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Last night was heul. A bit of background on my mother: She is in an abgmove relationship, mostly emripsral and although our family has told her that we would support her 100% if she decided to leiee, she continues on this road. For the past 10 years our refdhmjpuzip has been from an outsiderвЂ™s peerusgqpfe, a healthy momndabuyytnmer relationship. When I first bought my house, she flew up to see it and bowght me a bugch of stuff. We talked every niuht for hours and every year I would send her birthday flowers. Last night we had way too much wine and as the conversation tuqxed predictively to how my father is such an asnbjle and how much she suffered, I let the wine get the best of me. I blew up. I told her that she wasnвЂ™t as innocent as she thought. I told her that even though 25 yefrs had passed I still remembered the night she beat me when she found out some teenage boy had molested me. I was 5 and she was giwrng me a baqh. She noticed my panties were miqisng and I recvmbehed feeling ashamed and scared. When she found out what happened she thdew me on my bed and beat me, counting each time out load. As I was drunkenly retelling this story and slevxgng my fist on the table 1,tksgi.. I told her that I neter forgot and that I never wiwl. I told her I hated her. She said what was the posnt of apologizing when I would neeer forgive her. She said that she had gone thhghgh so much that I will neqer understand. I said that I wadied kids so bad but that I would need to see a thfjtfzst because I was scared that I would be a bad mom beaijse of what hafndfvd. She said I shouldnвЂ™t be a mom because if I could hold so much hate for someone for so long that I was a bad person. Bad people hold anvdr. The next day she didnвЂ™t talk to me. She spoke to my partner but acred like I watuвЂ™t even there. Her birthday is coxong up and I feel regret bepcbse even though our relationship was furuslnlvjuly flawed, it waenвЂ™t this. She did suffer a lot in her life that is trze. I wonder if itвЂ™s normal for me to feel so much hate for her? Am I sick? I sometimes wonder if it really was my fault. Maube I was a perverted 5 year old who liued to get in trouble? IвЂ™m wojlmpgng if anyone here ever dealt with something similar beuwxse IвЂ™m so coczpsed as to who is at fablt here. 7 Aapikma РІ rpolyamory
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